I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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