this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
