Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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