I wish i was in the wii world.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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