oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
We are all done wearing pants today
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
