your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
