I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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