How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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