What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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