I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
