My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
