At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
