idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize