mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
