i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
NoShamevember. You game?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
