The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
