I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
why does every cop we meet know your name?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
