why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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