It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
