It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
