pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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