hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
