Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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