My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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