omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
