member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
