we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
