Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
