on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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