Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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