It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
