Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize