Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
