there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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