I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize