There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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