Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
