If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
