I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
