Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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