I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
The uberlube is also flammable
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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