were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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