I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
