Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
