I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
