I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
