This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I could fuck to npr.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize