Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
