He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
