I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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