I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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