Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
