11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
