Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
