True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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