....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
