I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
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