can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
