How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
