Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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