Are we in a gay sports bar?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I just found a bag of teeth...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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