i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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