sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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