if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It's blow job season.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
