Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
