Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
