so explain again why im purple
no
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize