i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
