Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
