yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
