I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
