Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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