Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(260): View more from Indiana

My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck

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(616): View more from Michigan

the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.

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(703): View more from Virginia

You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job

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(631): View more from New York

She told me I should be a condom model.

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(518): View more from New York

Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.

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(360): View more from Washington

It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation

(978): View more from Massachusetts

You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing

(781): View more from Massachusetts

Not be drunk

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse

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