thus making me awesome and them whores
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
