dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
