you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize